Contemplating Suicide? [Arsip] - Forum KG

UAJ

19-09-2001, 07:50 PM

Originally posted by drunken monkey

Hmm gue sering ajah mikir klo dunia ini enggak ada gue pasti lebih enak, apalagi gue pernah nyakitin orang2 yang gue sayangin sampai ada yang enggak sudi ketemu gue ato etc. banyak lah masalah diantaranya...tapi gue bangkit lagi soalnya gue inget Tuhan. Gue inget klo banyak kemungkinan didunia ini. Plus gue merasa lebih percaya diri lagi :)

Sekarang gue lebih hati2 ajah soalnya gue takut hukum karma jalan...

::darkkazuya:: satu yang kupinta yakini dirimu...hati ini milikimu...

:D smile through thick and thin

Itulah maksud 'n tujuan Tuhan, ketika Dia ngasih cobaan. Soalnya manusia biasanya baru inget ama Tuhan kalo lagi kesusahan. Tapi bukan membuat kita menjadi putus asa, dan berpikiran untuk bunuh diri ::ger:: dengan alasan dunia ini nggak akan ada bedanya antara ada atau tidak adanya kita, atau bahkan dunia akan lebih baek tanpa kita. Itu adalah cara-2 seorang pengecut, yg cuma bisa mencari jalan pintas untuk menghindari masalah-2 yg ada. {:

Satu hal yg gue selalu percaya bahwa manusia bisa berubah Ketika kita kena cobaan kita akan berusaha untuk bangkit 'n menyadari kesalahan kita. Dan yg terpenting adalah untuk merubah segala perbuatan dan perkataan kita, yg telah membuat kita menyesal akan perbuatan atau perkataan kita sendiri. ::angel::

August's wife

19-09-2001, 11:38 PM

hidup memang tidak pernah mudah. tapi di situlah penghargaannya. kalau kita berhasil menghadapi segala rintangan, maka akan ada kebahagiaan di balik itu semua.

kalau udah 'nyerah' duluan, kan sayang, nggak sempet liat happy endingnya.

drunknmunky

20-09-2001, 02:15 AM

Originally posted by UAJ

Itulah maksud 'n tujuan Tuhan, ketika Dia ngasih cobaan. Soalnya manusia biasanya baru inget ama Tuhan kalo lagi kesusahan. Tapi bukan membuat kita menjadi putus asa, dan berpikiran untuk bunuh diri ::ger:: dengan alasan dunia ini nggak akan ada bedanya antara ada atau tidak adanya kita, atau bahkan dunia akan lebih baek tanpa kita. Itu adalah cara-2 seorang pengecut, yg cuma bisa mencari jalan pintas untuk menghindari masalah-2 yg ada. {:

Satu hal yg gue selalu percaya bahwa manusia bisa berubah Ketika kita kena cobaan kita akan berusaha untuk bangkit 'n menyadari kesalahan kita. Dan yg terpenting adalah untuk merubah segala perbuatan dan perkataan kita, yg telah membuat kita menyesal akan perbuatan atau perkataan kita sendiri. ::angel::

Yah sekarang gue nyadar setelah beberapa tahun gue depressi..enggak percaya diri dan barusan kehilangan orang yang gue anggap sayang gue...*duh jadi curhat* saat ini gue mulai positip dalam arti klo seperti yang UAJ bilang deh, diri gue akhirnya sadar juga, hmm gue pikir seh cinta itu unconditional ternyata enggak gitu yah? yah gue pingin jadi orang dewasa dulu, bukan berarti umur deh klo ini namun mentalitas. Dan gue harus bisa nerima kenyataan gue saat ini, situasi yang sulit dan kenyataan klo gue emang harus mulai dari nol lagi. Iyah UAJ bener, klo yang penting itu bukan meringkuk dalam penyesalan masa lalu, namun untuk bangkit dan merubah segala perbuatan dan perkataan kita untuk menjadi orang yang lebih baik lagi....

Duh UAJ makasih yah untuk support2nya...gue sekarang merasa klo gue itu enggak sendirian.

::darkkazuya:: makasih :)....deeply appreciate your kind words...UAJ

drunknmunky

20-09-2001, 02:21 AM

Originally posted by August's wife
hidup memang tidak pernah mudah. tapi di situlah penghargaannya. kalau kita berhasil menghadapi segala rintangan, maka akan ada kebahagiaan di balik itu semua.

kalau udah 'nyerah' duluan, kan sayang, nggak sempet liat happy endingnya.

Iyah yah Mbak...gue terlalu ingin cepat2 ke masa depan dan ngeliat happy ending gue...enggak sabaran gue ini. Soalnya yah saat ini kan masa2 sulit jadi yah rasanya ingin cepat2 keluar, ingin ngeliat 2 tahun lagi gue itu sampe mana...rasanya dah banyak waktu yang gue buang dalam hidup ini. Gue ingin manfaatin hidup ini lebih baik daripada beberapa saat yang lalu. gue inget klo waktu itu makhluk hidup, klo kita abaikan dia akan menerkam kita makasih banget yah Mbak...

::darkkazuya:: enggak sabar ngeliat happy ending gue...

UAJ

20-09-2001, 12:46 PM

Originally posted by drunknmunky

Yah sekarang gue nyadar setelah beberapa tahun gue depressi..enggak percaya diri dan barusan kehilangan orang yang gue anggap sayang gue...*duh jadi curhat* saat ini gue mulai positip dalam arti klo seperti yang UAJ bilang deh, diri gue akhirnya sadar juga, hmm gue pikir seh cinta itu unconditional ternyata enggak gitu yah? yah gue pingin jadi orang dewasa dulu, bukan berarti umur deh klo ini namun mentalitas. Dan gue harus bisa nerima kenyataan gue saat ini, situasi yang sulit dan kenyataan klo gue emang harus mulai dari nol lagi. Iyah UAJ bener, klo yang penting itu bukan meringkuk dalam penyesalan masa lalu, namun untuk bangkit dan merubah segala perbuatan dan perkataan kita untuk menjadi orang yang lebih baik lagi....

Duh UAJ makasih yah untuk support2nya...gue sekarang merasa klo gue itu enggak sendirian.

::darkkazuya:: makasih :)....deeply appreciate your kind words...UAJ
I'll be there if U need Me, OK ! Good luck 'Bro. ::angel::

August's wife

20-09-2001, 07:45 PM

Originally posted by drunknmunky

Iyah yah Mbak...gue terlalu ingin cepat2 ke masa depan dan ngeliat happy ending gue...enggak sabaran gue ini. Soalnya yah saat ini kan masa2 sulit jadi yah rasanya ingin cepat2 keluar, ingin ngeliat 2 tahun lagi gue itu sampe mana...rasanya dah banyak waktu yang gue buang dalam hidup ini. Gue ingin manfaatin hidup ini lebih baik daripada beberapa saat yang lalu. gue inget klo waktu itu makhluk hidup, klo kita abaikan dia akan menerkam kita makasih banget yah Mbak...

::darkkazuya:: enggak sabar ngeliat happy ending gue...

itulah seninya hidup! kualitas happy ending-mu setara dg perjuanganmu. kudoain kamu selalu dapet yg terbaik.

keep the faith! remember! you're not alone!

drunknmunky

21-09-2001, 01:56 AM

Originally posted by UAJ

I'll be there if U need Me, OK ! Good luck 'Bro. ::angel::

Amien bro...makasih banget

::darkkazuya:: Oh yeah we meet again it's like we never left...time in between is just a dream...

drunknmunky

21-09-2001, 02:00 AM

Originally posted by August's wife

itulah seninya hidup! kualitas happy ending-mu setara dg perjuanganmu. kudoain kamu selalu dapet yg terbaik.

keep the faith! remember! you're not alone!

Makasih Mbak...amien banget mbak...

::darkkazuya:: life is like a shooting star...we are lost til' we are found..this phoenix will rise up from the ground...and all these wars are over...

drunknmunky

21-09-2001, 02:15 AM

THE WORLD I KNOW

Has our conscience shown?
Has the sweet breeze blown?
Has all the kindness gone?
Hope still lingers on.
I drink myself of newfound pity
Sitting alone in New York City
And I don't know why.

Are we listening
To hymns of offering?
Have we eyes to see
That love is gathering?
All the words that I've been reading
Have now started the act of bleeding
Into one.

So I walk up on high
And I step to the edge
To see my world below.
And I laugh at myself
As the tears roll down.
'Cause it's the world I know.
It's the world I know.,

::darkkazuya:: nothing more to say, nothing more to explain...though love has fade away, strength still lingers on...

UAJ

21-09-2001, 07:59 AM

Originally posted by drunknmunky

Amien bro...makasih banget

::darkkazuya:: Oh yeah we meet again it's like we never left...time in between is just a dream...

::ngekg:: It's my pleasure to help anyone.

drunken monkey

21-09-2001, 09:33 PM

Aku merasa tiap malam dan tiap pagi gue selalu merasa paling berat, klo malem rasanya hatiku berat banget, mengingat masa lalu dan bertanya dimanakah kesalahanku dan kenapa aku tidak melihat tanda2 yang menunjukkan bahwa ini sudah tidak lagi sama seperti yang dulu. Mungkin ada benarnya kata2 semut yang jauh kita bisa lihat tapi klo gajah yang didepan mata malah enggak bisa melihat. Rasanya ingin banget ngomong kenapa, namun aku tahu ini bukan waktunya. Dan mungkin aku tidak akan tahu kenapa. Kenapa semua ini terjadi? aku tidak jawabannya untuk saat ini. Itu yang membuat hatiku sangat pedih tiap pagi dan malam. Pagi selalu aku terbangun oleh impian atau usikkan dikepalaku, hatiku merasa berat sekali dan dadaku serasa tidak bisa bernapas. Mungkin dengan nulis perasaanku disini, aku akan lebih bisa menerima kenyataan bahwa aku dan kau sudah tidak ada lagi. Semoga Tuhan membantu aku dalam tantangan hidupku ini.

::darkkazuya:: Oh yeah we meet again...It's like we never left...time in between it's just a dream...

UAJ

22-09-2001, 12:12 AM

drunknmunky

23-09-2001, 01:00 AM

Lagu yang gue sukain saat ini duh, banyakan seh alt+rock, Live tuh bagus deh dengan kata2nya...gue kutip mulu

The way you're bathed in light

Reminds me of that night
God laid me down into your rose garden of trust
And I was swept away
With nothin' left to say
Some helpless fool
Yeah I was lost in a swoon of peace
You're all I need to find
So when the time is right
Come to me sweetly, come to me
Come to me

Love will lead us, alright
Love will lead us, she will lead us
Can you hear the dolphin's cry?
See the road rise up to meet us

It's in the air we breathe tonight
Love will lead us, she will lead us

Oh yeah, we meet again
It's like we never left
Time in between was just a dream
Did we leave this place?
This crazy fog surrounds me
You wrap your legs around me

All I can do to try and breathe
Let me breathe so that I
So we can go together!

Love will lead us, alright
Love will lead us, she will lead us
Can you hear the dolphin's cry?

See the road rise up to meet us
It's in the air we breathe tonight
Love will lead us, she will lead us

Life is like a shooting star
It don't matter who you are
If you only run for cover, it's just a waste of time

We are lost 'til we are found
This phoenix rises up from the ground
And all these wars are over

::darkkazuya:: nothing more to say but sake...

luli_o

25-09-2001, 06:50 PM

hmm..drunken monkey..so hard ha...apa yang lo lewatin..hope u succes..sesuai ama yang elo lewatin..

gaknyambungblas

26-09-2001, 01:28 PM

pernah dong jelas
waktu gua umur 15 tahun
pengen banget mati
dan mikir-mikir cara apa yang paling enak

3rdson

26-09-2001, 05:35 PM

contemplating suicide is not d best way 4 us 2 end all our pain...

UAJ

26-09-2001, 07:31 PM

Originally posted by 3rdson
contemplating suicide is not d best way 4 us 2 end all our pain...
::ger::

drunken monkey

26-09-2001, 11:19 PM

Originally posted by luli_o
hmm..drunken monkey..so hard ha...apa yang lo lewatin..hope u succes..sesuai ama yang elo lewatin..

Iyah...ada waktu didalam hidup manusia dimana kita merasa hilang dan terbuang...tapi ada juga dimana kita harus meninggalkan masa lalu untuk berani berjalan lagi.

::darkkazuya:: Why can't I remember you anymore than you remember me...life is full of strangers that once became part of you...and they leave again...to become part of others...

drunken monkey

29-09-2001, 02:36 AM

Entah kenapa aku tadi buka2 emailku...lantas aku buka folder yang sudah lama enggak aku buka...ternyata disitu ada email2 kita, yang kamu bilang kamu hapus dan kamu buang ternyata semuanya disitu. Aku tidak akan paham dengan kamu...bingung dan untuk saat ini semua ini adalah yang terbaik buat kita.

::darkkazuya:: don't mind me I am just ranting about lost love...

UAJ

29-09-2001, 02:42 AM

Just monitoring, Don't know what 2 say. {:

drunken monkey

29-09-2001, 03:04 AM

Originally posted by UAJ
Just monitoring, Don't know what 2 say. {:

woh bro lo masih ajah disini? bukannya seharusnya dah tidur lo? Gue baik2 ajah walau sejenak gue kaget...gara2 tuh surat2...tapi gue emang enggak paham kok...gimana mo memahami sesuatu seperti ini seh? yah yang gue lakuin selama ini cuman bisa berdoa ajah...berdoa untuk kebaikan dan pengampunan...

makasih2 dimonitor...okeh bro tenkyu...

::darkkazuya:: love..I get so lost...sometimes..so much wasted..and these emptiness fills my heart...

UAJ

29-09-2001, 03:25 AM

Kadang-2 dalam perjalanan kita menghadapi 'n menjalani sebuah cobaan, kita juga "dicoba" lagi, lagi dan lagi. But just like I said, if U can through all of this You're being "The best of the best". Tabah deh 'Bro........{:

drunken monkey

29-09-2001, 03:56 AM

Iyah bro tabah itu nanti juga ada hikmahnya...

::darkkazuya:: makasih...

drunken monkey

29-09-2001, 04:07 AM

Ah sang Arjuna,

Kau berbisik kepadaku akan adanya cinta didalam dunia ini. Pernah kau berbisik tentang cinta kepadaku waktu aku merebahkan diriku diatas keranjang tempat tidur, untuk bermimpi ribuan mimpi. Hatiku terusik, jiwaku bergerak, jantung hatiku berdetak seakan-akan seribu impian datang memasuki alam angan-anganku. Aku jatuh cinta. Namun saat ini Arjuna kau telah pergi, namun sisa-sisa cinta yang pernah kau kasih kepadaku melekat seperti bau busuknya trasi. Tidak bisa hilang, walau aku sudah mencoba puluhan kali, kasih sayangmu tetap melekat. Cinta itu hilang dan sekarang hatiku kosong.

Arjuna, kenapa kau ingatkan kepada diriku akan cinta? Cinta yang sulit di pertanyakan dan sulit di mengerti, ah setan! sulit juga dijalanin. Ingat enggak Arjuna, cinta yang pernah kau berikan kepadaku? Dimana kau kasih cinta itu setulus hatimu, kau pupuk benih-benih impian hidup kita. Namun kandas juga tidak pernah terjadi. Oh setiap malam kau cerita kepadaku, tentang seorang lelaki yang sedang bermimpi mencari hidup. Pernah kau bilang kepadaku Arjuna, kelak nanti kita sudah tua kita akan tinggal di pedesaan, mempunyai pekarangan yang besar, yang akan ditanami pohon durian dengan kebahagian yang tak tertara. Mungkin benar kalau orang jatuh cinta itu seperti buah durian, penuh dengan duri luarnya, enggak enak di cium, namun rasanya begitu nikmatnya. Arjuna kemanakah kau saat ini, sudah lama aku menunggumu namun kau tak kunjung datang.

Di tepi jendela yang sudah tua dan berdebu ini aku menunggumu. Arjuna, kau janji kepadaku kau akan datang hari ini, sudah sejak lama aku disini namun tidak ada tanda-tanda apapun. Setiap pagi aku melongokkan kepalaku keluar jendela, hanya untuk berharap-harap aku melihat sosok tubuhmu berjalan menyusuri jalan setapak itu. Namun harapanku makin lama makin menyempit, aku tahu Arjunaku telah pergi, untuk tidak kembali lagi.

Arjuna, percayalah kepadaku bahwa aku ini sudah mencari obat untuk sakitnya hati ini, untuk melupakanmu. Aku pergi ke seorang sesepuh, dia menyarankan untuk aku bertabah, Arjuna berapa ribu tahun lagi aku harus bertabah menunggu kedatanganmu? Ataukah kau tidak akan singgah lagi di dalam impianku? Aku takut Arjuna, aku tidak bisa mengerti kenapa kau telah pergi meninggalkan ku tanpa mengasih tahu kapan kau akan kembali lagi.

Arjuna, seribu kenangan didalam hatiku tertumpuk bagaikan arsip-arsip sejarah yang membusuk tertelan di makan waktu. Aku tidak berani membukanya, karena jika aku membukanya kenangan masa lalu kembali mengusik pikiranku, pikiran yang masih terseret-seret oleh harapan, harapan dimana pada suatu saat aku akan melihat sosok tubuhmu yang aku kangenin. Apa aku salah untuk menaruh harapan kepadamu Arjuna? Harapan dimana pada suatu hari aku akan bisa menangis lagi di pundakmu, mengusap airmataku di jaketmu yang lusuh? Kepalaku merasa penat tertelan oleh perasaan kangen yang masih tidak bisa aku hilangkan. Hatiku merasa sesak namun airmataku sudah kering. Yang tertinggal hanyalah ratapan jiwaku yang menjerit seakan-akan ingin mencari jalan keluar dari penjara ini. Penjara cintamu yang telah lenyap.

Aku lebih mending disiksa oleh ribuan manusia lain di cambik-cambik oleh gagang rotan, di setrum pake listrik, disudut pake rokok, di sayat pake pisau. Ah apa saja Arjuna asal jangan ini, jangan hatiku yang disakitin. Arjuna jika kita kelak bertemu, masih adakah sinar dari matamu yang mengatakan bahwa kau masih menyimpan diriku dihatimu? Aku tidak tahu Arjuna, aku tidak tahu keinginanmun dalam hidup ini. Beribu-ribu kali aku mencoba menenangkan diri, mencari jalan untuk keluar dari penjara ini, namun aku selalu terperangkap kembali oleh belengu cintamu yang hilang.

Baru pertama kali ini aku merasa hilang, Arjuna. Beberapa puluhan kematian yang aku saksikan dan aku dengar baru kali ini aku merasakan kematian dalam segala cara dan arti. Separuh nafasku sudah pergi, dan aku hanya ingin menunggu kehadiranmu kembali, kehadiran yang hanya aku pegang dengan sisa-sisa keyakinan yang masih ada dihatiku ini. Entah apa yang ditakdirkan oleh Tuhan ini, aku tidak tahu, disini aku hanyalah manusia yang bergerak untuk mencari hidup.

Untuk saat ini, aku akan terus berjalan menyusuri hutan kehidupan ini, tanpa dirimu. Aku akan selalu simpan sedikit dari dirimu untukku, untuk mengingat bahwa didalam dunia ini aku pernah merasakan kasih sayangmu, kasih sayang yang tulus yang murni dan indah. Jangan takut Arjuna, aku bukan wanita yang lemah, walau saat ini aku berjalan seorang diri, aku masih tegar menghadapi kenyataan dan realitasku. Aku masih mempunyai diriku.

Jika Tuhan mengasih aku kesempatan untuk bertemu denganmu kelak nanti, aku terima itu dengan lapang dada. Jika takdir mengatakan hal yang lain, aku selalu akan berdoa supaya ada yang menjagamu. Namun ada satu hal yang tidak pernah lenyap dari jiwa dan ragaku ini, yakni cintamu. Tidak apa-apa kok Arjuna, cinta yang kau kasih kepadaku cukup untuk mengerakkan hati ini untuk mencari kebenaran sampai seumur hidupku. Karena itu aku berterima kasih kepadamu.

Arjuna kau mengasih pelajaran yang paling hebat dalam hidup ini...bahwa cinta tidak harus memiliki...

Jika aku tidak bisa bertemu denganmu dalam hidup ini, kelak nanti Tuhan mengasih aku kesempatan untuk bertemu denganmu di dunia yang lain.

Selamat Tinggal Arjunaku...dunia ini penuh dengan duri, jagalah dirimu yang baik-baik.

*Untukmu Arjuna*

::darkkazuya:: I want to lay beside you on a bed of roses...for tonight I sleep in your arms...like the times that we had before...

UAJ

30-09-2001, 09:01 PM

Panjang betul ceritanya, ampe pusink bacanya ::ngg:: . But it's a good story. [prof]

drunken monkey

01-10-2001, 02:21 AM

masih tetep dibaca ajah yah ..hiehieiheihe....

pakabar...gue baek2 ajah...sedih maseh..tenang kesepian adalah bagian dari hidup kan? *bleeh*

::darkkazuya:: tenkyu...UAJ itu cerita bukan dari gue loh gue cut an paste doank :D

UAJ

02-10-2001, 02:36 AM

Gue juga ada cerita nih ;

Ketika aku masih kecil, waktu itu ibuku sedang menyulam sehelai kain. Aku yg sedang bermain di lantai, melihat ke atas dan bertanya, apa yg ia lakukan. Ia menerangkan bahwa dia sedang menyulam sesuatu di atas sehelai kain. Tetapi aku memberitahu kepadanya, bahwa yang kulihat dari bawah adalah benang ruwet.

Ibu dengan tersenyum memandangiku dan berkata ; "Anakku lanjutkanlah permainanmu, sementara ibu menyelesaikan sulaman ini ; nanti setelah selesai, kamu akan kupanggil dan kududukkan di atas pangkuan ibu dan kamu akan dapat melihat sulaman ini dari atas." Aku heran mengapa ibu menggunakan benang hitam dan putih, begitu semrawut menurut pandanganku.

Beberapa saat ibu berkata ; "Anakku kemarilah ; dari bawah memang nampak ruwet dan kacau, tetapi engkau tidak menyadari bahwa di atas kain ini sudah ada gambar yang direncanakan, sebuah pola. Ibu hanya mengikutinya. Sekarang naiklah ke pangkuan ku ; sekarang dengan melihatnya dari atas kamu dapat melihat keindahan dari apa yang ibu lakukan." Dan memang benar, benang hitam dan putih yg tampak ruwet yg aku lihat dari bawah tampak indah dan bagus sekali dari atas.

Sering selama bertahun-tahun, aku melihat ke atas dan bertanya kepada Tuhan ; "Tuhan, apa yang engkau lakukan ?" DIA menjawab ; " Aku sedang menyulam kehidupanmu." Dan aku membantah ; "Tetapi nampaknya hidup ini ruwer, benang-2nya banyak yg hitam, mengapa tidak semuanya memakai warna yg cerah ?"

Kemudian Tuhan menjawab ; "HambaKu, kamu teruskan pekerjaan mu dan aku juga akan menyelesaikan pekerjaan KU di bumi ini. Suatu saat nanti aku akan memanggil mu ke Surga dan mendudukkan kamu di pangkuan KU, dan kamu akan melihat rencanaKU yang indah dari sisi KU."

"RENCANA TUHAN PASTI INDAH" ::angel:: :)

drunknmunky

02-10-2001, 04:06 AM

wah kok enggak panjang yah? *heran* bagus ceritanya...*menghela napas*...*ambil napas lagi*

oh iyeh gue ada neh isengan gue yah enggak usah diperhatiin klo terlalu panjang...accoustic ajah...*jreng jreng...misi pak bu...*

I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind,
I left my body laying somewhere in the sands of time,
I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon,
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah

I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon,
After all I knew it had to be something to do with you,
I really don’t mind what happens now and then,
As long as you’ll be my friend at the end

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman

If I’m alive and well, will you be there holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side with my superman might

Kryptonite

You called me strong, you called me weak,
But still your secrets I will keep,
You took for granted all the times I never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head,
Not for me then you would be dead,
I picked you up and put you back on solid ground,

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman

If I’m alive and well, will you be there holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side with my superman might

Kryptonite... Yeah!!

If I go crazy then will you still call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be there holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side with my superhuman might,

Kryptonite

UAJ

04-10-2001, 02:46 AM

It's a bird, no !.....it's a plane, no !.....It's SUPERMAN !!! ::angel::

drunknmunky

04-10-2001, 05:05 AM

Originally posted by UAJ
It's a bird, no !.....it's a plane, no !.....It's SUPERMAN !!! ::angel::

lo pernah denger enggak lagu itu bro? klo belum denger deh...yang nyanyiin three doors down...lagunya Superman tapi kok sedih yah isinya?

::darkkazuya:: I'll keep you by my side with my super human might...

UAJ

05-10-2001, 10:46 AM

Iya gue udah pernah denger, gue sendiri juga bingung ::bingung:: kok lirik-nya agak-2 mengharukan gitu. ;D
BTW how about you're recovery ? :)

drunknmunky

06-10-2001, 12:54 AM

Wah bro, tanya recovery gue masih dalam proses...sama lah seperti loe...:D enggak mudah...tapi lo gimana? baek2 ajah deh moga2...yang penting masih bisa napas...iyeh kan?

UAJ

06-10-2001, 12:58 AM

Originally posted by drunknmunky
Wah bro, tanya recovery gue masih dalam proses...sama lah seperti loe...:D enggak mudah...tapi lo gimana? baek2 ajah deh moga2...yang penting masih bisa napas...iyeh kan?
Kalo napas sih masih, mati donk kalo nggak napas. :) Gue udah baek-2 aja nih. :)

drunknmunky

06-10-2001, 08:11 AM

Originally posted by UAJ

Kalo napas sih masih, mati donk kalo nggak napas. :) Gue udah baek-2 aja nih. :)

hehehe...baru nyadar gue soalnya setiap kali gue napas sesek rasanya...mending deh rasanya enggak napas dulu daripada napas sesek mulu duh...:D *tauk deh*

::darkkazuya:: seep2 deh bro...yang penting tabah nyookkk

UAJ

06-10-2001, 09:38 AM

Nyoookkk juga deh....!! ;p

don_juan79

06-10-2001, 08:32 PM

Originally posted by UAJ
Nyoookkk juga deh....!! ;p

temen yg satu ini lagi ngapain sehh

england

06-10-2001, 10:01 PM

Originally posted by drunken monkey

Hmm gue sering ajah mikir klo dunia ini enggak ada gue pasti lebih enak, apalagi gue pernah nyakitin orang2 yang gue sayangin sampai ada yang enggak sudi ketemu gue ato etc. banyak lah masalah diantaranya...tapi gue bangkit lagi soalnya gue inget Tuhan. Gue inget klo banyak kemungkinan didunia ini. Plus gue merasa lebih percaya diri lagi :)

Sekarang gue lebih hati2 ajah soalnya gue takut hukum karma jalan...

::darkkazuya:: satu yang kupinta yakini dirimu...hati ini milikimu...

:D smile through thick and thin

ah... gue sering mikir buat suicide kog! cuman gue heran, gue gak pernah bisa lakuin! biasa seh kalo gue lagi depresi or stress gak bisa nyelesain masalah en bener2 gak ada orang satupun yang bisa di ajak buat share!! tp karank dah engga. i'm better now! GOD GIVES ME A BETTER LIFE! although sometimes gue mikir Tuhan itu terkadang gak adil ama gue! karank masalah2 gue enteng2 ajah... well, i've been thru hard days and karank everythings all-rite!

drunknmunky

07-10-2001, 05:36 AM

Originally posted by don_juan79

temen yg satu ini lagi ngapain sehh

lagi NYOOOKKKKK-in
gue....loe pingin di NYOOKKKK-in yah! :D

drunknmunky

07-10-2001, 05:45 AM

Originally posted by england

ah... gue sering mikir buat suicide kog! cuman gue heran, gue gak pernah bisa lakuin! biasa seh kalo gue lagi depresi or stress gak bisa nyelesain masalah en bener2 gak ada orang satupun yang bisa di ajak buat share!! tp karank dah engga. i'm better now! GOD GIVES ME A BETTER LIFE! although sometimes gue mikir Tuhan itu terkadang gak adil ama gue! karank masalah2 gue enteng2 ajah... well, i've been thru hard days and karank everythings all-rite!

hmm kenapa yah manusia itu klo pilih last resort itu pilihannya to kill or to die? Tapi rasanya depressi emang berat lagian...tapi emang sulit kok klo lagi down banget...seperti yang lo bilang Tuhan ngasih harapan dan kekuatan kepada mereka yang percaya...

::darkkazuya:: I am thankful for what I have in this lifetime...And I have God...

drunknmunky

07-10-2001, 11:04 AM

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird...I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away...away from me
It’s all right...You can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy...or anything...

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It’s not easy to be me.

drunknmunky

07-10-2001, 11:05 AM

I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smoldering. Fundamental differing.
Pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion
Disintegrating as it goes Testing our communication
The light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us so
We never seem to reach an end crippling our communication.

I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame it doesn't mean I don't desire to
Point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over.
To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication.

the Poetry that comes from the squaring off between,
And the circling is worth it.
Finding beauty in the dissonance.

there was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away.
Mildewed and smoldering, strangled by our coveting
Ive done the math to know the dangers of our second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication

Cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any
Sense of compassion
Between supposed lovers <x2>
I know the pieces fit <x7>

england

07-10-2001, 02:16 PM

Originally posted by drunknmunky

hmm kenapa yah manusia itu klo pilih last resort itu pilihannya to kill or to die? Tapi rasanya depressi emang berat lagian...tapi emang sulit kok klo lagi down banget...seperti yang lo bilang Tuhan ngasih harapan dan kekuatan kepada mereka yang percaya...

::darkkazuya:: I am thankful for what I have in this lifetime...And I have God...

mmmmm... kadang2 seh gue suka mikir life is ****s! hahahha... gak tauk napa! tp ampe karank gue maseh beranggepan life itu ****s! kaenya org laen tuh kaga kae gue! tp gue gak tauk juga seh kehidupan yang laen2 tuh gimana... kadang2 gue mikir gue ini aneh en maybe gue cuman satu2nya org yang punya pikiran suicide, or dsb lah... but kaenya di luar2 sana banyak yang kae gue! thats life! life is aint easy! meskipun banyak org yang ngetawain gue kalo gue bilank itu aint easy. mungkin hidup mereka tuh beda ama gue! hahahah...

UAJ

08-10-2001, 02:51 AM

Originally posted by don_juan79

temen yg satu ini lagi ngapain sehh Siapa temen lu ? ::bingung::

UAJ

08-10-2001, 02:54 AM

Originally posted by drunknmunky

lagi NYOOOKKKKK-in
gue....loe pingin di NYOOKKKK-in yah! :D
Tau tuh nyamber aja, orang nggak diajak ngobrol ! :P Hehehe.....:D

UAJ

08-10-2001, 02:59 AM

Originally posted by england

mmmmm... kadang2 seh gue suka mikir life is ****s! hahahha... gak tauk napa! tp ampe karank gue maseh beranggepan life itu ****s! kaenya org laen tuh kaga kae gue! tp gue gak tauk juga seh kehidupan yang laen2 tuh gimana... kadang2 gue mikir gue ini aneh en maybe gue cuman satu2nya org yang punya pikiran suicide, or dsb lah... but kaenya di luar2 sana banyak yang kae gue! thats life! life is aint easy! meskipun banyak org yang ngetawain gue kalo gue bilank itu aint easy. mungkin hidup mereka tuh beda ama gue! hahahah...
Hampir semua orang juga ngerasa life is 5uck, nggak cuma elu doank kok. Cuma tinggal cara kita menyikapi 'n menjalani cobaan hidup ini ; menyerah begitu saja or maju terus walaupun merasa nggak adil dan sakit, tetapi yakin bahwa ada kebahagiaan di akhirnya. {: Manusia diciptakan berbeda antara satu dengan yg lainnya, jadi wajar aja kalo hidup elu berbeda dengan mereka.

drunknmunky

08-10-2001, 03:02 AM

Originally posted by UAJ

Tau tuh nyamber aja, orang nggak diajak ngobrol ! :P

gue NYOOOKKK-in deh....Don_Juan79...(gimana penelitian di bonbinnya?) :D

england

08-10-2001, 06:50 PM

Originally posted by UAJ

Hampir semua orang juga ngerasa life is 5uck, nggak cuma elu doank kok. Cuma tinggal cara kita menyikapi 'n menjalani cobaan hidup ini ; menyerah begitu saja or maju terus walaupun merasa nggak adil dan sakit, tetapi yakin bahwa ada kebahagiaan di akhirnya. {: Manusia diciptakan berbeda antara satu dengan yg lainnya, jadi wajar aja kalo hidup elu berbeda dengan mereka.

ude kae dosen loe ah!

UAJ

09-10-2001, 12:58 AM

Originally posted by england

ude kae dosen loe ah!
Na elunya mendramatisir pengalaman juga.

don_juan79

09-10-2001, 01:32 AM

Originally posted by drunknmunky

gue NYOOOKKK-in deh....Don_Juan79...(gimana penelitian di bonbinnya?) :D

hmmm
menurut penelitian gue
elo udah pantes dimasukin ke sana sekarang juga
::hhh::::hhh::

drunknmunky

09-10-2001, 02:05 AM

Originally posted by don_juan79

hmmm
menurut penelitian gue
elo udah pantes dimasukin ke sana sekarang juga
::hhh::::hhh::

wah klo gue dimasukin kesono nanti enggak enaknya lo yang liat2... ::luthu::

drunknmunky

09-10-2001, 02:54 AM

A groan of tedium escapes me,
Startling the fearful.
Is this a test? It has to be,
Otherwise I can't go on.
Draining patience, drain vitality.
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.

But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
And I'm still right here.

Wait it out,
Gonna wait it out,
Be patient (wait it out).

If there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
Gonna wait it out.

If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would've walked away by now.

And I still may ... (sigh) ... I still may.

Be patient.
I must keep reminding myself of this.

And if there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here,
I certainly would've walked away by now.
And I still may.

Gonna wait it out.

england

09-10-2001, 09:55 PM

Originally posted by UAJ

Na elunya mendramatisir pengalaman juga.

gak ngerti!

drunknmunky

10-10-2001, 02:56 AM

Mengapa yah kita selalu terusik oleh waktu yang telah berlalu. Terkadang loe rasanya oke2 ajah...lantasan jam kemudian lo tuh merasa sedih banget. Dan perasaan hilang dan tidak diinginkan itu kok datang juga, yang penting perasaan "I wasn't good enough"...Lantas mimpi2 buruk datang menghantui loe klo malam. Apa sih arti mimpi itu? gue tahu mimpi itu artinya banyak sekali. Seperti mimpi itu adalah manifestasi apa yang ada di otak lo...Kayaknya dari satu hari gue napas enggak ada 1 hari yang gue lepas dari perasaan "terbuang" atau "sendirian"...Tapi Tuhan masih ada...harapan...

::darkkazuya:: sometimes I have the strength to leave the dark forsaken place, but it always pulls me back to the same place I was...why can't you let me be...why do you haunt my nightmares with cold steel eyes of hatred? You picked me up with such grace and love only to drop me to the bottom of the pit and leave me in the cold and dark pit...But yet I cannot comprehend the feeling of love and lost for what once was...You speak as though your heart was never bruised...or maybe you don't have heart anymore...you claim that I tore what little you had of your life and wasted it all for the sake of my own survival...But in the end is you that sacrifice me for your own survival in this heathen world...

Now we are here, walking in separate path than what we had before...As if you never knew me...but I always knew who you were...I knew you before but I don't know you now...We are strangers that once crossed the same path...Every second of the memories played inside my head, tore me apart to pieces...of all the illusions that you gave me...the illusion that this world is for both of us...in the end I am alone...finding my way home again...defeated, conquered, wounded and lost...

I hope that you are happy with decisions made...If you claim that I was the bullet that shot you down from your dreams and joy...I am gone...leaving with what's left of me...I will cross you path no more...I will not be the one who pulls the trigger on the gun that pulls you down...No more pain...No more illusions of two lovers loving...But I know I still love you...I will be your satellite...Some how the faintest signal that you send to me are giving me the chance to keep me alive and breathing...barely holding my sanity...barely holding the soul inside this body...

..I will not be beaten, as long as I am alive and breathing...in this holy reality...in this holy experience...choosing to be here in this body...

*bisa ngarang lagu neh dari sini* *bleehh....forgive my ranting*

UAJ

10-10-2001, 10:54 AM

::jagoan:: (nyantai dulu ah)

don_juan79

10-10-2001, 11:30 PM

Originally posted by UAJ
::jagoan:: (nyantai dulu ah)

ngerokok nggak bilang bilang ya ama gue
ikutan donk ::jagoan2::

UAJ

10-10-2001, 11:32 PM

Originally posted by don_juan79

ngerokok nggak bilang bilang ya ama gue
ikutan donk ::jagoan2::
Pasti 234 deh. :D ::jagoan:: (masih ngerokok)

drunken monkey

11-10-2001, 12:48 AM

Originally posted by UAJ

Pasti 234 deh. :D ::jagoan:: (masih ngerokok)

ngeliatin ajah ah...sambil ongkang ongkang...

::darkkazuya::

UAJ

11-10-2001, 02:43 AM

Rokoknya udah abis, sekarang.........::sleep::::sleep2::

drunknmunky

11-10-2001, 11:18 PM

ngerokok terus tidur gituh...wah yang abis rokoknya ato orangnya dah KO?

UAJ

12-10-2001, 08:41 AM

Dua-2nya, rokoknya abis mata juga udah sepet, jadinya.....::sleep2::

don_juan79

12-10-2001, 10:17 PM

Originally posted by UAJ
Dua-2nya, rokoknya abis mata juga udah sepet, jadinya.....::sleep2::

waduh .. padahal gue masih ada dua nih
satu buat elo
satunya lagi buat gue

tapi biar aza ... 2 batang khan cukup buat sejam

drunken monkey

12-10-2001, 10:52 PM

Originally posted by don_juan79

waduh .. padahal gue masih ada dua nih
satu buat elo
satunya lagi buat gue

tapi biar aza ... 2 batang khan cukup buat sejam

ngerokok gaya apaan inih...gaya orang ngirit...pada seret duit seh jaman2 perang inih...

drunknmunky

13-10-2001, 08:38 AM

We are lost till we are found...
this phoenix rises up from the ground...
and these wars are over...

Love will lead, alright...
love will lead us she will lead us...

*udah ah...pusing mikirin si dia*

UAJ

13-10-2001, 11:16 AM

Originally posted by don_juan79

waduh .. padahal gue masih ada dua nih
satu buat elo
satunya lagi buat gue

tapi biar aza ... 2 batang khan cukup buat sejam
Coba ah....::jagoan:: Uhukk...uhukk...!!! uweekk =( Waduh udah nggak kuat ngerokok 234 lagi neh, makasih deh...{: Gue beli sendiri aja deh. ::keyen::

UAJ

13-10-2001, 11:19 AM

Originally posted by drunknmunky
We are lost till we are found...
this phoenix rises up from the ground...
and these wars are over...

Love will lead, alright...
love will lead us she will lead us...

*udah ah...pusing mikirin si dia*
Waduh, gimana sih 'Bro ? Udahlah Life must goes on 'coy. [prof]

don_juan79

13-10-2001, 01:25 PM

Originally posted by UAJ

Coba ah....::jagoan:: Uhukk...uhukk...!!! uweekk =( Waduh udah nggak kuat ngerokok 234 lagi neh, makasih deh...{: Gue beli sendiri aja deh. ::keyen::

maunya rokok mild yach
siang siang gak enak lho ngerokok mild

Desmond

13-10-2001, 02:01 PM

Originally posted by don_juan79

maunya rokok mild yach
siang siang gak enak lho ngerokok mild

merokok dapat menimbukkan gangguan kesehatan, kanker, penyakit jantung, impotensi dan gangguan kehamilan dan janin

UAJ

13-10-2001, 05:05 PM

MEROKOK MERUSAK KESEHATAN ! TIDAK MEROKOK MERUSAK PENAMPILAN ::keyen:: ::jagoan::

UAJ

13-10-2001, 05:07 PM

Originally posted by don_juan79

maunya rokok mild yach
siang siang gak enak lho ngerokok mild
Rokok gue rokok putih, gue udah nggak bisa lagi ngerokok kretek. Nggak tau kenapa, padahal dulu awalnya GUFI ::keyen::

drunknmunky

14-10-2001, 04:47 AM

Originally posted by UAJ

Waduh, gimana sih 'Bro ? Udahlah Life must goes on 'coy. [prof]

iyeh2 bro..makasih buat ngingetin...:)

drunknmunky

14-10-2001, 04:48 AM

Originally posted by Desmond

merokok dapat menimbukkan gangguan kesehatan, kanker, penyakit jantung, impotensi dan gangguan kehamilan dan janin

tuh Don_Juan79 ama bro UAJ...loe2 pada pingin hamil kagak? enggak bagus tuh buat janin katanya...:D

england

14-10-2001, 11:59 AM

gue gak ngerti! ngobsnya jd ngelantur!

drunknmunky

15-10-2001, 09:14 AM

Originally posted by england
gue gak ngerti! ngobsnya jd ngelantur!

emang balik ke topik deh...

drunknmunky

16-10-2001, 02:30 AM

Pernah enggak lo merasa klo lo tuh ingin cepat selesai dan pergi kemasa depan..pingin liat apa benar orang yang loe sayangin (walau enggak bersamaan saat ini) akan berada sama loe di masa depan...

::darkkazuya:: I fall to the deepest desire only to find out that it was all an illusion...fleeting tumbling down trying to escape the prison that you've created inside of me...What was once a castle now are just pieces of shattered bricks...Do you remember? or you only remember the piercing pain that it all became? No beauty, no desire, only shearing heat of pain...I ran to your arms to find solace and peace in this world only to find out that it was you let me bleed to the end...spurting, beating...like a madman I ran to find solace...only to find out that you left me behind...alone kneeling tending my wounded heart...Do you remember the beauty? Do you remember the passion? But you only remember the pain...the shearing heat that blew you away...to become somebody I do not recognize...I fall to the deepest desire of loving you...I fall to the deepest desire...of wanting you..only to find out that it was all an illusion...

The beauty of it all goes in the end..I hope I am still alive to the end...to see...I hope I am still sane enough to look you straight in the eyes...The fire has gone long before this to happen..your words are like a knife that tore me apart...leaving me vulnerable to the world to see..beating irrationally...grapling to the truth that I cannot comprehend...spruting every last drop of blood of what was once love...Is it me or is it that fear has come to grip me in the neck like a noose?...let me fall down and leave me hanging...like a ragged doll...lifeless..ending all of the desire that was once lodged deep inside my soul...it may not be in this life time...it may not be in the next...but when my soul is reborn like the phoenix...old eyes will meet again...to forget the past and look beyond the future...I fall to the deepest desire beyond what this lifetime can comprehend...

There was a time that the pieces fit...

*back to sake...*

drunknmunky

16-10-2001, 03:16 AM

::darkkazuya:: Why do you blame and point what I cannot comprehend...as if I am the malaise in your wounded heart...The sufferings that comes from within was of the consequence...from the age old wars which set us apart and drove us from lovers to enemies...Deep dark vices that continuously grip my soul every time I hear your cold steely voice..threatening me...cursing me...as if you don't know who I am anymore...I think you remember...I think you knew...but you hide it all so well behind you masquarade of love and compassion...what I thought was so tangible..so real and so strong was only a tug away from breaking the rope and it all disappear as fast at it came...you said that what we had already withered ages ago...from the first war that begun...from the first blood shed that separates us...In my mortal soul I held the wound that was so great..only the sound of my silence and streams of tears reminded me of what was lost...

The clash of battles continues as I held my would...blood sputters the battle ground and seeps in to the ground...But yet we lied to ourselves...And we hold on to the only thing that kept us together...each of us wearing masks to hide our wounds...smiling and laughing as if the battle was over ages ago...only to realize that the battle grounds is still fresh with the smell of blood...For give and forget, forgive and forget...those were the words that echoes through our minds as the picture of the battle that was fought comes in to our mind...reminding us...that we cannot forget...Clouds of sorrow looming overhead...a bitter and forebodding warning of what was to come...calm before the storm...

As each of us held ground...holding to what was left of our sanity...we sat together conversing and thanking each other of the devotion and love what was there...desires of wanting to be complete and becoming one soul comes like a raging fire...we melt into deep desire of love...But inside the wounds still fresh and dripping with blood...we struggle to overcome the pain with the desire to love...to become complete...What I can't see does not kill...what you can't hear does not hurt...we left in solace of pretense...that we loved and desire the other mortal body...to come together in the end as we live eternally...

The foreboding clouds of sorrow came and brought the storm of the century...menancing with it's grim reallity...the battle ground once again became splattered with blood...each of us casting our last defense...pointing fingers, blaming...draining our energy, drowning our love and desire to be complete...what was left was pure intention and sense of hate...sparks flew and our eyes met...cold hard stare...nothing that says it was love...pure hatred and pure resentment...

In the end it was a draw...we crawl to the opposite end with what was left of our energy...My minds racing to the possibilities...remembering the words of forgive and forget..forgive and forget...I turned around...only to see you with a dagger in your hand...I did not have time...I could not comprehend...I laid there alone..a wound to my chest straight to the heart...there I see my beating heart open to the world...beating irrationally...blood spurting...I cannot comprehend...and I may never comprehend...

Hearts beating...lives living...I stand strong enough to carry my soul to the end of this world...I may still bleed once in a while...I may still cry in my sleep trying to comprehend what I cannot...I may be haunted with nightmares of you and the age old battles...only to wake up in cold sweats starring at the scar of the wounds...But there is one deep desire that I haven't let go...one glimmer of hope amongst the gloomy world...that one day I may...that one day I can...feel the desire to love again...

Forgive and forget...I have learned my lessons all too well...and the wounds to prove them...but only you and I know the truth behind the storm clouds...only you and I know what was left behind amongst those battle field...

england

16-10-2001, 04:33 PM

ituuuuuu.... lagu ato renungan or karangan sendiri? bagus! keep on writing, gue mo baca lage!

tonedef

16-10-2001, 05:36 PM

gue belom pernah ngerokok.... tepatkah sekarang waktunya untuk mulai ?

tonedef

16-10-2001, 05:39 PM

3 days ago i decided to kill myself.
and i did.
i left myself vacant and sad.
watching my mother lift my cold body from the warmth of the hurting earth.
holding my hand, prayers for my lost soul.
hopes dissolving like the sugar in cold coffee, like the aspirin in my blood stream.
my heart slowly quieting my skin into sleep.
it didn't rain that day, but it rains now, strong heavy tears from my father's pride.
yesterday i killed myself, without love, abstract needle marks.
alive in sorrow laced cigarettes hidden in my clutched palms.
beautifully planned regrets, i love each knot, i loved each pill on it's way down....on my way down.
warm socks in hospital beds, silent quotes of nurses who never understood.
today i killed myself, without names, without love.
i pray for a tragedy that ends when the sun comes up.
and i hear my soul smile when i pull the needle out.
and i hear my soul smile when i finally go home

UAJ

16-10-2001, 08:37 PM

Kenapa ya kadang-2 kita merasa capek buat hidup ? ::nangis::

Hi Munky ::bye:: ! 'Pa kabar nih. Udah lama nih gue absen. ;D

drunknmunky

16-10-2001, 11:52 PM

Originally posted by UAJ
Kenapa ya kadang-2 kita merasa capek buat hidup ? ::nangis::

Hi Munky ::bye:: ! 'Pa kabar nih. Udah lama nih gue absen. ;D

hi bro UAJ...iyah absensi nya heiheihei...gimana loe bro baik2 ajah...tenang enggak usah bete ama tuh yang sekampus...:)

drunknmunky

17-10-2001, 01:18 AM

::darkkazuya::Stumbling...crawling out of the battlefield, heaving what was left of me...Breathing heavily as blood sputtered through my hands...I am left with nothing but pain and fear...Each and every breath I took felt like a thousand dagger entering my wounded cavity...You left the battle ground and all that is left is this body that is holding me...Keeping me sane from the reality that I cannot comprehend...Sweat and blood mingled seeping through the crimson stained clothes...I lay on the sodden grass in solitude...

The grey clouds still hung in the sky...the remnant of what was left...The storm of the century...My mind wandering, searching...looking for a novacaine to sooth this aching soul...Looking to find the answer I knew only lies within your soul...Where did I go wrong?...the storm that just passed didn't just brew overnight...Our sense of mistrust and dissapointment fed the storm...Every little hate, every fallen desire, every lies that becomes between us...fed the eye of the storm...The battle of the ages didn't just apparate from nowhere...The storm was the child of our anger and deep seeded hate...born under the calm and clear sky...catching us off guard, tossing us into mortal battle...There was no desire left, there was no divinity between us...Only hate and confusion...

Why we badly remember what came before this moment?...As I slowly rise to leave the battle ground...spatters of crimson red decorated the sweet green blades of grass around me...I knew I am not the only one mortally wounded...The bones that held this body seems to give away with every step I take...the only thing that keeps them together is just this thin clad of flesh...My eyes withered in defeat and all that I can see ahead of me are just blurry shapes...while my mind is frantically searching for that novacaine...And the words that echoes through my mind only worsen the possibilities of keeping me alive...I cannot comprehend...I cannot comprehend...I cannot understand what had just happened on the battle ground...

Sense of loss, defeat and pain is all that I can think about...and this wounded heart of mine, I don't know if it will ever have the chance to heal...But I know there will always be scars to remind me of you and I...To think about you is like pouring salt over my gaping wounds...I don't know what is worse, death or this...living in this world so close to death, so close to the ground that will one day bury my flesh and bones...so close to h3ll...nothing can save me from this tedium world except death...

Somehow no matter how many times I tried to end it all, letting all these maggots gorging at my wounds eating me alive...letting all these leeches that hitched my body svck the life out of me...I cannot die...it seems that death took a liking of me to be a walking zombie...I am still barely alive...the soul within me refuse to leave this flesh and bone...I am still holding on to the grim reality of life and living...Is this my nightmare? is this my h3ll? To think life like this...h3ll would be paradise...a paradise that I cannot taste...

My mind felt like it's ready to explode...I cannot handle all of this...If death do not befriend me...I can only pray for armageddon...I pray for falling comets followed by meteor shower and tidal waves...as the fault lines gives away...followed by millions of dumbfounded dipsh!ts...hugging their loved ones...watching the great temples of lives topple over...praying for their souls...asking for forgiveness...repenting their sins...Oh father, I may ask for my own forgiveness...in this Godly hour of the Armageddon...but I have none...I have no strength left except to welcome the Grim Reaper with open arms...my Chaos in solitude...I wish that Armageddon would come to take me away from this wilting body that has nothing but dark and sad resentment of life...nothing to look forward to...nothing to look in the past except for broken pieces of memories...I lay here wounded...only thoughts of chaos in my solitude kept me here...

drunknmunky

17-10-2001, 03:22 AM

::darkkazuya:: Am I awake? Am I alive and still breathing? did I defy death or did death defy me?...Looking at the remnants of myself...I am disappointed...I am still alive and breathing...The dark clouds looming over the sky creeping slowly covering the full moon...It seems like it was just yesterday that I saw you...But time never lies...it has been half a year since that fateful day...The day when Venus and Mars aligned together in the same night sky...the signs of great battle...But it was also when the same planet came together we met for the first time...But that was eons ago it seems when I first laid my hands on you smooth glistening yet trembling body...No it was not fear that cause you to tremble but it was because of anticipation, love and desire...The desire to have me and I to have you...

It pains me when I think of you...and only silent tears are the prove of love and desire that I have for you...I only wish you knew...but alas I am the only one who knows...Bits of pieces of lives that was spent together between both of us flashed before my eyes...Putting me in a trance as sudden as it may appear...the pain that comes with the memories does not subside easily...

Do you remember when we first met? Those gleaming eyes eager to met mine? As my eyes traveled your body...I knew that I desired you most...more than I could handle for myself and more than what I can imagine...It was not lust that binds us but pain...Yes, it was pain and love that brought us together...The planets does not lie...Venus and Mars were in the same sky...Behind those gleaming eyes and pearly smile was a person with desperation...Longing to find out what this world holds...you came to me to answer the dreams that you've been having...the dreams that havoc your reality and rid of your nightmare...but yet they became nightmare in reality because the person that comes in those dreams have no face...only form...it came to you crying...it came to you begging...you held those dreams and you captured the pain that it was trying to convey to you...But the only thing is that it has no face...it only has soul, emotion and desire...but it has no face...But you knew it was me that came to your dreams all those nights...

On the other side of the cosmos...I dreamt of a person that has no form or face...somewhere in this distant planet...holding out a piece of rope...old, beaten down but yet it still look strong and thick despite of its age...for some reason it is attached to my soul...and the other side is you...formless, bodiless, faceless...yet I felt that there was deep despair and lost from this person...As if you were asking for solitude inside my soul...Solitude that you can only find within me...

I desire what I cannot see...I wanted what I cannot touch...You held my heart in your hands, cupping it like it was something that needs to be tended...something that needs your love...I did not ask, yet you gave...you tend it so well that it grew...I have fallen for you...I desire for you more than anything in this universe can give...

Oh damn these sudden pain...damn the memories that cut me down like a bullet...I cannot lie, the memories that I had with you the time that I shared with you had bits of sweet honey in them...Despite the pain that it has given me...I want to dream of the past...I want to touch what is not tangible...But I know I cannot...the longing aches even more than ever...the wounds that you have given me throbs more than ever...but yet only silent screams of deep despair of wanting something that I cannot have comes out...My blood wants to burst...the leeches still tries to svck the life out of me...the maggots still feast upon my wounds...sooner or later they will become flies...multiplying in search of other that are semi-alive like me...

What is left of me..what is left of this pain ridden body...is nothing but an emtpy soul...for now let the maggots and the leeches finish what you have started...

UAJ

17-10-2001, 03:28 AM

Gue istirahat dulu deh 'Bro......::sleep::::sleep2::

drunknmunky

17-10-2001, 03:37 AM

Originally posted by UAJ
Gue istirahat dulu deh 'Bro......::sleep::::sleep2::

iyah2 bro silahkan...*bleeh* gue mo mandi deh klo gitu...::ngg::

hercule

17-10-2001, 09:13 PM

mmm. begitu yah ceritanya.

UAJ

17-10-2001, 11:38 PM

Originally posted by drunknmunky

iyah2 bro silahkan...*bleeh* gue mo mandi deh klo gitu...::ngg::
Wah ngaco lu 'Bro masa mandi shubuh-2 begini. ::ger::

drunknmunky

18-10-2001, 01:29 AM

Originally posted by UAJ

Wah ngaco lu 'Bro masa mandi shubuh-2 begini. ::ger::

ah biarin seger...seger...:)

UAJ

18-10-2001, 07:44 PM

Originally posted by drunknmunky

ah biarin seger...seger...:)
Bukannya seger tapi malah rematik. =(

don_juan79

18-10-2001, 10:06 PM

Originally posted by UAJ

Bukannya seger tapi malah rematik. =(

lho ..
masa seh udah seger tapi rematik
becanda kamu

UAJ

18-10-2001, 10:42 PM

Originally posted by don_juan79

lho ..
masa seh udah seger tapi rematik
becanda kamu
Emangnya yg becanda sapa ?

drunknmunky

19-10-2001, 01:05 AM

.....semedi dulu yah....

england

19-10-2001, 07:21 PM

gue tambah gak ngerti ::hua::

UAJ

20-10-2001, 04:42 PM

Originally posted by drunknmunky
.....semedi dulu yah....
Eh ikutan boleh nggak,
tapi dimana nih semedi nya ? [prof]

UAJ

20-10-2001, 04:43 PM

Originally posted by england
gue tambah gak ngerti ::hua::
Apanya yg nggak ngerti ? {:

england

20-10-2001, 09:10 PM

gak ngarti semuanya euy!

hercule

20-10-2001, 10:16 PM

ooo gitu yah.

drunknmunky

21-10-2001, 12:38 AM

Originally posted by UAJ

Eh ikutan boleh nggak,
tapi dimana nih semedi nya ? [prof]

eits orang semedi pingin ikut...nanti malah ngobrol...duh...:o

drunknmunky

21-10-2001, 12:39 AM

Originally posted by england
gak ngarti semuanya euy!

sebenarnya orang yang paling tidak ngerti adalah orang yang paling paham...:D

drunknmunky

21-10-2001, 12:40 AM

Originally posted by hercule
ooo gitu yah.

iyah hercule...jelas enggak seh...semoga jelas deh...

::ngg::

hercule

21-10-2001, 01:49 AM

mmm jelas.
thx

drunken monkey

21-10-2001, 02:27 AM

::darkkazuya:: What does it take to mend this wound?...The wound that has been deeply etched inside this soul...The pain is always there, a reminder of the past and what has been left behind...I don't know where I stand now, nor do I know how to find a reason to go on in this wretched life of mine...Anguish continues to fill this emptiness, of what was once love...The constant ache of wanting something that I cannot have pushed me deeper into a reality that has no end...a nightmare...

I want to soothe the pain...an oasis where my soul can rest...but in this blistering desert heat of life, I found none...but yet I still stand here, a walking zombie looking for death...death that never come...I must let go the curiosity of wanting to understand what I cannot comprehend...because this itself is what sentence me to my own eternal insanity...bleeding and still healing, the heart beats slowly to the rhythm of life...but yet my soul cannot seem to grasp the reality that I am no longer with you...

Sometimes I think it's easier for me to accept death rather than fighting my way through this life that gives out empty promises...I have nothing to look forward to...but the arrival of my own death...In this despair, I cannot seem to go on...I am a prisoner of your lost love...I am my own prisoner to my own dream...the dream that you and I are still together...How can I accept death that I cannot understand? how do I stand up again to breath the sweet succulent smell of life? When at one time, the source of my own vitality lies within you...and you ripped it out of my heart with such a force...and left me here between life and death...

The morphine...the novacaine...the heroin...does not soothe the pain...the gaping wound does not seem to heal because everytime I think of the past the pain continues to throb...But here I lay with my reality of being alone in this body...the only reminder of what was left and the only companion that I have to life...Is this a test? It has to be...other wise I can't go on...

The poetry of it all is that...I may never understood what it all means in this lifetime...I still hold out my hand in the darkness of my own mortality...begging for forgiveness, begging for my own saviour...I still mutter sweet and melancholy prayers for your sanity in this life...There will always be the past where two of us are still in love...like a movie, they are replayed over and over again until it gets to the bitter end...I may never see the same love again in this lifetime...Under the cold air of the night I still hold out pieces of life of what we had once...

UAJ

21-10-2001, 02:34 AM

Just for the record ;
Nothing last forever.....
Not even your trouble !
And what goes around, comes around.....
And I believe You will gained something else
For all you have missed. ;D ::ihiks::

g w e n n a

21-10-2001, 02:35 AM

Originally posted by drunken monkey
Pernah ato enggak?

hmm klo gue seh pernah seh...:( sad but true...

::darkkazuya:: contemplating sake

if i think of my crashed ego and pride
i fall into dreams of suicide
love has seen the last of me
so what the hell do i care
what i do and what i say?
i'm death.
and nobody cares anyway!

gue syering ya..
mm kalo mikir suicide, gue jadi punya semangat utk hidup.
maksudnya.. kalo gue mati, gue bakalan ga punya arti, setelah dilupain, ga ada yang perduli. jadi kenapa gue harus mikirin pendapat org laen?
ini hidup gue, gue harus berusaha ngedapetin kebahagiaan gue.
itu hak gue. bahkan tanpa bantuan dewi fortuna.

UAJ

21-10-2001, 02:35 AM

Originally posted by drunknmunky

eits orang semedi pingin ikut...nanti malah ngobrol...duh...:o
Maksud gue biar kita nggak samping-2an, jadi gue cari tempat laen buat semedi ::maap::

UAJ

21-10-2001, 02:36 AM

Originally posted by drunknmunky

sebenarnya orang yang paling tidak ngerti adalah orang yang paling paham...:D
Ini pujian atau apa nih ? ::king::

UAJ

21-10-2001, 02:39 AM

Originally posted by g w e n n a

gue syering ya..
mm kalo mikir suicide, gue jadi punya semangat utk hidup.
maksudnya.. kalo gue mati, gue bakalan ga punya arti, setelah dilupain, ga ada yang perduli. jadi kenapa gue harus mikirin pendapat org laen?
ini hidup gue, gue harus berusaha ngedapetin kebahagiaan gue.
itu hak gue. bahkan tanpa bantuan dewi fortuna.
Amieennn.....::maap::

drunknmunky

21-10-2001, 08:33 AM

Originally posted by UAJ

Maksud gue biar kita nggak samping-2an, jadi gue cari tempat laen buat semedi ::maap::

ooo kirain loe pingin ngerumpi gethoo......boleh2...gue neh semedi diatas batu gedhe di Gunung Mahameru....loe di Bromo ajah yah....biar klo butuh apa2 gue tereak ke loe...:D

drunknmunky

21-10-2001, 08:38 AM

Originally posted by UAJ

Ini pujian atau apa nih ? ::king::

gue juga enggak tahu...*bleeh* terlalu banyak didepan komputer neh gue bro...enggak jalan2 deh gue nanti...::nangis::

luli_o

21-10-2001, 10:10 AM

drunky cerita nya pake bhs indo ajah dunk..pusing gue arti in nya:o

drunknmunky

21-10-2001, 11:13 AM

Originally posted by luli_o
drunky cerita nya pake bhs indo ajah dunk..pusing gue arti in nya:o

duh maap...gue ituh nulis bukan buat sapa2 seh...yah cuman nulis ajah...jelas enggaknya yah...emang sulit kayaknya dimengerti..::maap::

caleste

21-10-2001, 11:29 AM

Originally posted by drunknmunky

duh maap...gue ituh nulis bukan buat sapa2 seh...yah cuman nulis ajah...jelas enggaknya yah...emang sulit kayaknya dimengerti..::maap::

Biar ga buat sapa-sapa yang baca kan tetep banyak kekeke,
Bahasa Inggrisnya yang kelas wahid punya seh...

Eh eh sampe-sampe kadang gue save dulu, biar sempet buka electronic dictionary, huahuahua
Abis kalo engga gue ngga ngerti.. n padahal gue pengen BANGET ngerti... ;)

Anyway... it's a good work.. mungkin isa menyentil sedikit emosi kita n bikin kita merenung... hehehe
Gue harap bukan renungan negatif, tapi yang membangkitkan semangat juang hidup masing-masing orang. :D

keep going drunkmunky!

regards,

caleste

drunknmunky

21-10-2001, 11:44 AM

::darkkazuya:: I've never felt so insecure in my life...the feeling of being seen...being watched...trembling in front of the being I called myself...it's just unbearable...the wounds from the battle have not completely heal...for every minute details of living in this world reminds me of you...I barely recognize myself...dishelved, and dillusional...I have left behind my reality in search of my own sanctity...

It's strange how I feel being so vulnerable to the world...I am scared and filled with pain and anguish...my only outlet to the world is these words that pours out of my broken soul...I can never comprehend...I will not know why...but it hurts so much to think that I was so blind not to see that was coming to me...I cannot soothe the anger what welled up inside you...the anger that you've been building after so many battles have been drawn between us...You kept it so well behind the facade that you put on for me...But yet there was so many ominous warnings that I did not heed...I was to busy tending my own wounds...that I did not see the gaping wounds that you have inside your tormented soul...Love was the last thing that came to mind...I did not see you drowning...and I cannot save you...I can't even save my soul...

In this odd hour of the morning...I cannot put my soul to rest...alone...lost and defeated...I can only contemplate on what is left of my flesh and blood...I barely remember how it was to feel happiness, I can only recollect pieces of old memories...the smooth glistening color of your skin...the sweet scents of your gentle hair...the face that I see each morning I wake up...looking so serene and innocent...like a newborn baby...I can only love...and give more love...I showered you with gentle kisses...to greet you with the afternoon sun...Yes, I recollect that you are not a morning person...you gave a gentle sigh, signifiying that you are aware that I am already awake...instead of waking up...you held me close to your warm bosom...I gave in and I stayed there stroking you, listening to your heartbeat...There was a sense of serenity flooding my soul...there was a sense of belonging...and I fell asleep...

What seemed so innocent was just all a facade...we can't deny that our souls are tormented...full of broken glass and nails...the remnants of past battles...battles that was always fought with selfishness and hate...As painful as it is, I stuck out to the end...as hard as I pushed myself to the outer boundary...I still love you...Yet you doubt all my love, dismissing them and here you left me behind...alone, battered and staggering to the end...

The sacrifices in our lives...the pain and the effort through it all...in the end...it doesn't even matter...the clocks ticks away reminding me of how many trillions of seconds I have spent with you...and in all...only memories that's left...

There was no love in your eyes besides the pain... I also felt deceived and what you have put before me was just a facade...I never knew the real you...it pains me to realize this...more than the last moment you sink your dagger into my heart...I remember the pain...it always come so quickly but it always take me by surprise...I don't know what you see in me...do you see hate, because that's the feeling I get from you...I remember the pain so well that everytime the thought comes to mind, I just cannot stop the tears from coming...I remember vividly of all the things I thought you had for me and the love that we had...but it's all just an illusion...

My only remedy right now are just fleeting...but as long as it just keeps me alive...I don't mind...there are certain things I can never understand what happened between us...You slay me with your weapons...the pain will always linger on...I may not know the future..walking on this earth with this burden in mind...I will not know what will become of me...I will not be deceived for the second time...But here inside this wounded heart of mine...inside the crumbling pieces of my soul..I still hold on to you...I still hold on to the memories...inspite of all the pain...I am still here...

This body...reminds me of my own mortality...we are eternal and this pain is just an illusion...

A groan of tedium escapes me...is this a test?...It has to be...otherwise I can't go on...

UAJ

21-10-2001, 05:39 PM

Originally posted by luli_o
drunky cerita nya pake bhs indo ajah dunk..pusing gue arti in nya:o
Wah ada yg request tuh. :)

drunken monkey

21-10-2001, 09:49 PM

Originally posted by UAJ

Wah ada yg request tuh. :)

wehehe...wah...gimana yah? gue bingung lagian...lha gue nulis buat biar gue tenang...malah dapet orderan :D

UAJ

22-10-2001, 01:46 AM

Originally posted by drunken monkey

wehehe...wah...gimana yah? gue bingung lagian...lha gue nulis buat biar gue tenang...malah dapet orderan :D Hehehe.....:D Yeah, that's fine with me. ::jagoan::

drunken monkey

22-10-2001, 04:28 AM

Originally posted by caleste

Biar ga buat sapa-sapa yang baca kan tetep banyak kekeke,
Bahasa Inggrisnya yang kelas wahid punya seh...

Eh eh sampe-sampe kadang gue save dulu, biar sempet buka electronic dictionary, huahuahua
Abis kalo engga gue ngga ngerti.. n padahal gue pengen BANGET ngerti... ;)

Anyway... it's a good work.. mungkin isa menyentil sedikit emosi kita n bikin kita merenung... hehehe
Gue harap bukan renungan negatif, tapi yang membangkitkan semangat juang hidup masing-masing orang. :D

keep going drunkmunky!

regards,

caleste

hmm...*bingung mo bilang apaan* makasih deh...*bingung lagi*

drunken monkey

22-10-2001, 04:31 AM

Originally posted by UAJ
Hehehe.....:D Yeah, that's fine with me. ::jagoan::

yah gue tahu si lilo_o maksudnya baik kok...maap deh...bukan berarti gue enggak cinta bahasa Indonesia...cuman gue lagi pingin pake bahasa lain untuk sementara ini...

don_juan79

22-10-2001, 08:34 PM

Originally posted by drunken monkey

wehehe...wah...gimana yah? gue bingung lagian...lha gue nulis buat biar gue tenang...malah dapet orderan :D

berarti elo ada cc ya
bagi bagi dunks

drunknmunky

22-10-2001, 09:37 PM

Originally posted by don_juan79

berarti elo ada cc ya
bagi bagi dunks

paan seh cc?...gue taunya ac/dc...cc itu artinya apaan seh....ohh iyeh...don...ada acara ac/dc mo ikutan kagak? :D *enggak jelas deh*

drunknmunky

22-10-2001, 09:52 PM

::darkkazuya::I trusted you with my utmost secrets...I told what was not to be told between two souls...I opened up my forbidden thoughts to you and only you...I opened up my deepest indulgence to you and only you...all in all you were my secret keeper...you held my soul in your hand...the thoughts of you abruptly leaving my life with apathy crushed me like a bug under a great boulder...I am no more...you left me here to atrophy of what is left of my life...

I cannot overcome the sense of disbelief...So many things I'd like to say to you...so many emotions that I'd like to share with you...but all I have left is the deep silence inside my emaciated soul...my only companion...I whispered sweet nothings to the cold dark air that surrounds me...Dreams that I had of you are like ghost of the past...I cannot touch them nor can I communicate to them...but they all played their part, they are the fear that resides deep within the cavern of my life...Only to wake up with cold sweats and ritual of tears that trickled down my face...I cannot let fear over take me...but yet these dreams felt so real...The stoic face that you put for me...hate that I see in your eyes felt so real...the pain that comes with the dreams hurt so bad that tears are not enough to pacify the pain...

With the love so great...so passionate...so powerful...comes the great consequence of pain...I learned this all too well...The pain that elevates to the level of h3ll...I did not know that the line between lovers and enemies are so thin...until we came to this point...Will I ever see you again? I may not know...for only the stars in the heaven has the answer to the fate...I can only hope, I can only wish...but I know not what the stars has written for my fate...I only wished that the songs about love coming and going to be something true...but not I, love came and it stayed...it stayed with the pain and will always be there until the end...

Maybe we are not so different...maybe the feelings of love still lingers...I don't know...I wish that I can only manifest thoughts that can soothe my soul...but the pain seems to be the faithful companion...If I can only get rid of it...the great consequence of love, and desire...You, the thorn that resides deep within my aching soul...I only want to love and to be loved...such naive thoughts that we had turned dark and foreboding...The seven deadly sins manifest itself in our love...

Maybe I am a wretched human being after all...I only come to God begging for His mercy and guidance in this unjust hour of my life...But yet I do not thank for what has been given to me...I am a blasphemous human being... I cried to no one but God...I pour out all of my grievances to Him...but yet when I am brimming with happiness I do not think of God...I only think of my own mundane life...such wretched soul I am...such unfaithfulness only brings me to this moment of consequence...Well I am well deserved...the pain that comes in my life for me was something that I have created...I cannot leave something well alone...But isn't that what makes us human?...to think about trivial matter of life and to forget the whole concept of the great cosmos of life...Until a great conflict arise in the middle of our lives...we turn to what we forgot the most...God...I only want to preach to no one but myself...I only want to correct no one but my own mistakes... I do not want to repeat what has been wrong...but I cannot repeat the past...I can only hope and ask for forgiveness...for I am a human being who is capable of making mistakes…I can only ask for God to soothe this soul to find the larger meaning of life with all of it's intricacies...

We badly remember who or what came before... this precious moment...we are choosing to be here....right now...hold on stay inside...this holy reality...this holy experience...choosing to be here in this body...this body holding me...be my reminder here that I am not alone...in this body…this body holding me living eternal and all this pain is an illusion....

caleste

22-10-2001, 11:39 PM

Originally posted by drunken monkey

hmm...*bingung mo bilang apaan* makasih deh...*bingung lagi*

hmmz... *ikut bingung juga* emangnya perlu bilang sesuatu kikiki! ;D

UAJ

23-10-2001, 02:35 AM

Originally posted by caleste

hmmz... *ikut bingung juga* emangnya perlu bilang sesuatu kikiki! ;D
Lha wong cuman usul doang ya ? :D :)

drunknmunky

23-10-2001, 02:54 AM

Originally posted by UAJ

Lha wong cuman usul doang ya ? :D :)

nggak ikut bingung juga bro? :D

drunknmunky

23-10-2001, 03:16 AM

Hmm...bro bergadang mulu loe nanti jadi kelelawar...sono2 pergi dulu sono...:D

drunknmunky

23-10-2001, 08:11 AM

::darkkazuya:: What is it that we held this life so close to our bosom…is it the reward? I certainly never felt it that way?...Is it the beauty?...it don’t seem that way at all…Did I ever had the choice to enter this world?... either to be born unto this world I forsaken…or to stay deep embedded in the womb filled with warmth and comfort…but if I knew I had the choice to make, to come to this world was the last choice that I had…The reality was, I did not have any choice, I was forcefully expelled from the safety of the womb to face this world…There was no way out…Life as I recalled was not as punishing as it seemed now…It was gentle as it lull me to sleep in the arms of those who loved me…I knew nothing of what is wrong and right…I was innocent…I slept in the comfort of my own simple needs…to be loved and to be cared…It was simple, the only reciprocation that I can give to signify my gratitude was to obey the wishes of those who loved me and showed them that I was capable of loving them too…Like an automaton…I grant them the things that they desire…I became what they want me to be…I am their child…

As life complicates itself…wait…no…as I complicate life…curiosity overcame the desire to obey…I wanted to break free of these chains…To rebel was something that I cannot explain…but I wanted it more than anything in the world…to become my own self…I knew that those who loved me only wants me to be safe from this wretched world…The curiosity to see what the world has to offer for me was something that I cannot easily dismiss…I wanted to see the world…I wanted to fly out of this cocoon…I wanted freedom that I have never tastes…I wanted to see the forbidden…It was clear that curiosity was something that I cannot pacify…So I left the comfort of those who loved me…I was no longer the poster perfect child of theirs…I was tainted…no longer innocent…no longer perfect…

Life was never innocent in the beginning…but we made it seemed like it was…The cooing of the baby…so naïve and innocent…not knowing that these ruthless world will kill the innocent to savor the egoistical victory of another life…Not knowing that while it breathes…there are thousands that died along the way…We were taught to ignore what we can’t feel in our blood…The survival of the fittest…As years passed by…we taught ourselves ways to survive this bitter world and to close our eyes to the injustice that we see around us…as long as it does not hurt our being called selves…Does the world need daily sacrifices of human soul to continue giving life to those that has started? Or is it the the demons who disguise themselves as humans that needs to quench its thirst with the raw crimson colored blood and the pink fleshy meat of another human beings? Thousands of humans lives has became this innocent victims…but yet we stayed there as if nothing has happened…We learned to ignore of those that are sufferings…We learned to lie to ourselves that life is ruthless to another because of fate…A fate that tells them to live the lives of semi-humans…slaves to another…yes, we lied to ourselves…In order to find some sanity in our minds…Maybe those who are insane sees the world as it is…Cold, dark, steely, ruthless and unforgivable…

The only witness to the killing fields are those that cannot speak…the walls…the soil that we tread upon…the trees…the rivers…the sea…the tectonic plates…the stars in the sky…they were here eons ago…silent witness to the changing time…silent witness to the terror that reign upon this earth…But yet when we see the whispering trees, when we feel the cold water from the fresh river…we only see what it had to offer…the beautiful landscape…we ignored the terror that they have witnessed…we forgot that the strong yet graceful trees were once spattered with blood from the remnants of bodies of human beings…a punishing ground for those who did not obey…we forgot that the river was once red with blood of the innocents…Oh the beauty…did we forgot or did we ignore? The irony of the silent beauty is that we never knew what they have witnesses…But yet we praise it for the serene and innocent beauty that they offer our eyes…we were fooled…

Tell me how can we accept the truth in our lives…when in all we only want to believe what is good? Tell me is it wrong for another to have a different ways of living and different ways to see live as they see it fit?…Do we not have the freedom to choose?...But the reality is we are living in a dogmatic world…full of people who feel that their being are self righteous…pointing the fingers of those who to their eyes are deemed as mistakes…hitting their gavel of justice blindly…sealing the fate of those being pointed…as if they are the Grim Reaper themselves…pointing those whom they feel deserve the wrath of h3ll…But as I know it…the choice is not for us to choose…All in all it’s in the hands of God Himself… The ironies within our lives exist in our prejudice and fear…ignorance is a bliss to those that chooses…

drunknmunky

23-10-2001, 09:00 AM

::darkkazuya::Knowing the greater universe…it all comes back to this tormented soul…where am I in this great universe?…what is the purpose of one’s existence if the only thing that I can feel is pain?…The conversation and the debate inside myself continues…as if time doesn’t exist…Moreover I thought I had a purpose of an existence…which is to be with you…but now that you have disappeared…I lost the sense and the willingness to seek justice in this world…Kill me for all I am worth…I know I welcome death as if it was a long time friend…I knew it all too well…

The clocks ticks…the silent continues as the night comes…I barely remember what morning is like…I don’t remember the simple life of living anymore nor do I remember to fall in love innocently…I forgot how to live a life full of happiness…I don’t even remember your face…the only thing that I remember is the constant pain…darkness became a friend…and like a vampire daylight became too painful to feel…I cannot stand to appreciate beauty anymore nor can I stand to feel happiness…I lost the sense of knowing what they feel…I cannot stand the stares of human eyes looking at me…as if they are judging me…taunting me for what I have failed…yes, failure…I failed to show you what love is…I failed to keep you within these bleeding arms…I cannot stand to see the reflection of myself…for my image is the splitting image of a failure…How was I born unto this world? How is it that the innocent me became so unbearable even for my own self…But this body is all that is keeping me from my own misery…I am defeated…what pride do I have left in this battered soul? What love do I have to give to others when I don’t even love myself anymore…

I had many dreams and hopes for this world…but it was all torn down…how could I find justice in this world? When the core of this soul is bleeding…How will I ever be able to give compassion…when I have none for myself…as little strength I have in this body of mine it has to last until the day I die…it has to last…

I never want to hate…for I know that hate is what this world need less of…I only want to love and to be loved…I only want to care and be cared for…the simple needs that I was born wanting…I came to this world wanting to be loved and be cared for…but now I desire to be wanted by you…I felt the bitterness that this world is capable of giving…I saw the pain that this world has given…now I wanted to come back to the womb again…to find that comfort and warmth ness…but alas I cannot comeback to the womb…The love that I desire has evolved…I desire to find a life partner in this world…a love that can give me security as if I was back in the womb…being cradled and lulled to sleep by you and your serenity…The womb that I was looking for manifest itself in the being called you…You were my savior from these unforgiving world…I only wanted to be loved and cared for…it’s all that I’ve ever wanted…

england

24-10-2001, 02:25 AM

Originally posted by drunknmunky

sebenarnya orang yang paling tidak ngerti adalah orang yang paling paham...:D

tp gue bener2 kaga ngarti!

UAJ

24-10-2001, 02:32 AM

Originally posted by drunknmunky

nggak ikut bingung juga bro? :D
Nggak ah ! Cape...::ngg::

UAJ

24-10-2001, 02:34 AM

Originally posted by drunknmunky
Hmm...bro bergadang mulu loe nanti jadi kelelawar...sono2 pergi dulu sono...:D
Hahaha......::hhh::

Lha situ emangnya ngapain ? Begadang juga khan, brarti kita sama-2..........BATMAN ::angel::

UAJ

24-10-2001, 02:34 AM

Originally posted by england

tp gue bener2 kaga ngarti!
Singkat, padat, berisi......::hhh:: :D

drunken monkey

24-10-2001, 02:40 AM

Originally posted by UAJ

Hahaha......::hhh::

Lha situ emangnya ngapain ? Begadang juga khan, brarti kita sama-2..........BATMAN ::angel::

hehehehe.....*mikir*

drunken monkey

24-10-2001, 02:45 AM

Originally posted by england

tp gue bener2 kaga ngarti!

gue ajah juga enggak ngerti apa lagi loe...:) hmm maap deh...gue nih nulis cuman buat hati gue tenang ajah...klo orang lain yang baca mungkin banyak kesulitannya...soalnya sedikit abstract...maap yah...gue cuman cari jalan keluar ajah untuk biar sedikit lega :)

UAJ

24-10-2001, 02:53 AM

Originally posted by drunken monkey

hehehehe.....*mikir*
Jangan kelamaan mikirnya, entar jadi begini nih -> [prof]

drunknmunky

24-10-2001, 08:08 AM

ah mending klo da tua kan enggak pusing kayak gini....

UAJ

24-10-2001, 02:11 PM

Ya mudah-2an deh. ::king::

g w e n n a

24-10-2001, 07:34 PM

engga deh. gue pengen awet muda, aja.
kalo udh tua juga pusing masalah cucu, masalah ozon en tabungan yang makin menipis.. aduhh enggak.. belon kebayang.
:)

drunknmunky

24-10-2001, 11:57 PM

::darkkazuya::to sink or swim…I was already worth nothing to you…before I knew…but life has to continue…either I am in this state of torment or not…God I pray…please alleviate my pain…please rid me of this sorrow…I cannot continue with this cumbersome memories…sometimes I have the strength but in strange times I collapse in my own sorrow…To shed tears and to hope against all hope to be able to live again…To be able to see the innocence before what has happened…To be able to smile again without any burden of the unexplainable…

Here I collapse under your grace…the knots in my throat gripping me…holding me until I cannot breathe no more…Is this the end…or is this the beginning of h3ll as I see it…condemning me to eternal sorrow…I was nothing more than a thorn in your soul, seeing me is like meeting with h3ll…You only cried silent tears, holding what you thought was gone in your life, and that is you…I could never figure out why or how you came to despise me…when in all you recognize me as your lover…I have so much to learn about love and hate…I was too naïve to see what you are like…But I know now that love is not what we displayed at the end…we cannot seem to reach amend…crippling our communication…I cannot bring back the pieces together again as much as I wanted it to be…But there was a time that the pieces fit…

I pray that your pain may be lessen with time…that you hate inside you disappears with time…Even though I lay crumpled and fallen…There are still drops of compassion and love that I cannot deny…It was your fault…you planted the seed of love and compassion…though it withered away with time…it still exist…the seed of love and compassion cannot just be killed…because the root that it has dug into…is deeper that I have ever imagined it to be…as long as I still have it…I knew it wasn’t a total lost when you walked away…I don’t have much in this lifetime…but what I have is enough to keep me going in this lifetime…

Cold silence…has a tendency to atrophy…is there any sense of compassion between us left? I may not know the answer…The sacrifices in our lives just to be together was all just waste…or is it not? I don’t know either…For in this lifetime, I must continue with or without you…death seems enticing to me, but it’s not the answer to the solution…as hard as this life can get…I know I can go through it all…even if it means that I have to live the life between death and sanctity…I know that the strength that I once had…the strength that resides in your love and devotion is no more…I still can reap the strength and the kindness of humans souls…whether I know them or not…In you deepest silence and loneliness…there are always hands that are ready to reach out…to give me a little comfort and courage in this world…even if it only last a second…it is worth to live for…Despite the treacherous live the world is leading us to…there are pockets of compassion that still resides within each of us…Even though my body and soul may be of mine…compassion and love is something to be picked and grown from the heart…Giving me the chance to be alive and breathing…

I know the pieces fit…cause I watched it fall away…mildewed and smoldering…fundamental differing…pure intentions juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion…disintegrating as it goes…tested our communication…the light that fuel the fire that was burned…the hole between our souls…we cannot seemed to reach amend…crippling our communications…

I know the pieces fit…cause I watched it tumble down…no fault…none to blame…it doesn’t mean that I don’t desire…to point the finger blame the other…watched the temple topple over…to bring the pieces back together…rediscover communications…

There was a time that the pieces fit…but I watched it fall away…mildewed and smoldering…strangled by our comforting…I’ve done the math enough to know the digest of a second guessing…it still will crumble unless we grow…strengthen our communications…

Alive….

england

25-10-2001, 02:49 AM

aaadddduuuuhhhhhh

drunknmunky

25-10-2001, 03:08 AM

Originally posted by england
aaadddduuuuhhhhhh

sakieet yah......gimana pindahan kuliahan loe?

england

25-10-2001, 03:31 PM

Originally posted by drunknmunky

sakieet yah......gimana pindahan kuliahan loe?

iya cakit!! bengkak neh telunjuk gue. hahhahaa.... gara2 mouse laptop yang kae sapi! hiks.... gue baru mo pindahan! lagi pusing ngurusin apartmentnya. gue maseh di indo, cuman bentar lagi dah mo cabs mindahin barang2. gue dah kuit dari kampus. kerjaan gue karank tinggal ongkang2 kaki, hahhaa... palink jalan2 ke LN dolo. abis itu taon depan baru stress! soalnya kae na program gue kaga ada libur (dikit, kaga ada 3 bulan summer holiday kaenya). soalnya ini S1 nya 2 taon. so, rada ngebut! hiks... cedihnya! orang2 libur pas summer (or maybe kerja part time), gue nya tetep kul. hahahhaa... meskipun cuman kul 2-3 subjects doenk! cuman kaga rela... hahahhahahahahaahhaa

drunken monkey

25-10-2001, 10:52 PM

wieh...ketawa loe kayak tuyul deh j/k ....ahahaha *ala dedemit lagi mringis* ..ohh enak oi klo ngebut gituh, buat s1. ngomong2 loe mo ngambil jurusan apaan seh...Lah kirain loe dah di Aussie ternyata di Indo yah...untung banget yah loe dateng ke Aussie musim panas...yah good luck deh...coba loe ketawanya yang halus dikit kek...kayak nek lampir...hieh :D

england

26-10-2001, 05:27 AM

Originally posted by drunken monkey
wieh...ketawa loe kayak tuyul deh j/k ....ahahaha *ala dedemit lagi mringis* ..ohh enak oi klo ngebut gituh, buat s1. ngomong2 loe mo ngambil jurusan apaan seh...Lah kirain loe dah di Aussie ternyata di Indo yah...untung banget yah loe dateng ke Aussie musim panas...yah good luck deh...coba loe ketawanya yang halus dikit kek...kayak nek lampir...hieh :D

enak apa na? panas euy kalo summer! kaga untung dunks! gue kaga suka panas seh, kaga betah! gue dah daptar jurusan professional communication, tadinya gue ngambil journalism (3 taon), cuman ganti deh! sama ajah seh. cuman kalo prof comm fokusnya banyak, gak cuman journalism ajah. gue dah di terima, kalo belon gue mana berani kuit dari kampus gue disini. hahhahaha... (maap, gue suka ketawa siy!). rencananya bulan depan gue mo ke melb bentar, ngurusin dokument apartment geto lah. belon tauk... soalnya, tadinya bokap gue mo cabs ke sana ama temennya, cuman kaenya gak isa, gantinya gue dah. so, we'll see later... gue seh males ke melb karank. org cuman bentar ngurusin dokument geto... :D:D:D:D:D:D

so, whats up with you? any new things happened???

drunknmunky

27-10-2001, 01:04 AM

yah ginih2 ajah nyante gue...:)

UAJ

27-10-2001, 01:52 AM

Originally posted by drunknmunky
yah ginih2 ajah nyante gue...:)
Ikutan nyantai ah....::keyen::

england

27-10-2001, 05:16 AM

Originally posted by UAJ

Ikutan nyantai ah....::keyen::

bah!

UAJ

27-10-2001, 09:17 PM

Originally posted by england

bah!
Ada masalah ? ::marah!::

Atau pengen ngejar postingan ???? ;(

england

28-10-2001, 07:04 AM

Originally posted by UAJ

Ada masalah ? ::marah!::

Atau pengen ngejar postingan ???? ;(

gak ada masalah kog! hahahhaa... :D:D:D:D isenk ajeh! abis kalo elo nge posting pasti isinya cuman 1 baris kalimat, pendek2 pula. gue mo baca nih... besok2 elo ngetiknya banyakkan!

england

28-10-2001, 07:10 AM

Originally posted by drunknmunky
yah ginih2 ajah nyante gue...:)

kapan nulis tuh english2 (renungan or wotever it called) lage kae biasa? me mo baca nih!! dunk dunk dunk... lumayan buat nambah vokep gue :D:D:D:D pake vokep yang susah dunk!!!soalnya selama ini gue kaga perlu buka kamus buat baca english2 elo karna maren2 elo nulisnya pake vokep yang udeh gue tauk.

pake vokep yang laen/susah dikit ... biar gue buka kamus! gak buka kamus seh... tinggal pake kamus elektronik. hahaha... di ketik doank! but it will help me a lot to improve my english!

england

28-10-2001, 07:14 AM

Originally posted by drunknmunky
::darkkazuya::to sink or swim…I was already worth nothing to you…before I knew…but life has to continue…either I am in this state of torment or not…God I pray…please alleviate my pain…please rid me of this sorrow…I cannot continue with this cumbersome memories…sometimes I have the strength but in strange times I collapse in my own sorrow…To shed tears and to hope against all hope to be able to live again…To be able to see the innocence before what has happened…To be able to smile again without any burden of the unexplainable…

Here I collapse under your grace…the knots in my throat gripping me…holding me until I cannot breathe no more…Is this the end…or is this the beginning of h3ll as I see it…condemning me to eternal sorrow…I was nothing more than a thorn in your soul, seeing me is like meeting with h3ll…You only cried silent tears, holding what you thought was gone in your life, and that is you…I could never figure out why or how you came to despise me…when in all you recognize me as your lover…I have so much to learn about love and hate…I was too naïve to see what you are like…But I know now that love is not what we displayed at the end…we cannot seem to reach amend…crippling our communication…I cannot bring back the pieces together again as much as I wanted it to be…But there was a time that the pieces fit…

I pray that your pain may be lessen with time…that you hate inside you disappears with time…Even though I lay crumpled and fallen…There are still drops of compassion and love that I cannot deny…It was your fault…you planted the seed of love and compassion…though it withered away with time…it still exist…the seed of love and compassion cannot just be killed…because the root that it has dug into…is deeper that I have ever imagined it to be…as long as I still have it…I knew it wasn’t a total lost when you walked away…I don’t have much in this lifetime…but what I have is enough to keep me going in this lifetime…

Cold silence…has a tendency to atrophy…is there any sense of compassion between us left? I may not know the answer…The sacrifices in our lives just to be together was all just waste…or is it not? I don’t know either…For in this lifetime, I must continue with or without you…death seems enticing to me, but it’s not the answer to the solution…as hard as this life can get…I know I can go through it all…even if it means that I have to live the life between death and sanctity…I know that the strength that I once had…the strength that resides in your love and devotion is no more…I still can reap the strength and the kindness of humans souls…whether I know them or not…In you deepest silence and loneliness…there are always hands that are ready to reach out…to give me a little comfort and courage in this world…even if it only last a second…it is worth to live for…Despite the treacherous live the world is leading us to…there are pockets of compassion that still resides within each of us…Even though my body and soul may be of mine…compassion and love is something to be picked and grown from the heart…Giving me the chance to be alive and breathing…

I know the pieces fit…cause I watched it fall away…mildewed and smoldering…fundamental differing…pure intentions juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion…disintegrating as it goes…tested our communication…the light that fuel the fire that was burned…the hole between our souls…we cannot seemed to reach amend…crippling our communications…

I know the pieces fit…cause I watched it tumble down…no fault…none to blame…it doesn’t mean that I don’t desire…to point the finger blame the other…watched the temple topple over…to bring the pieces back together…rediscover communications…

There was a time that the pieces fit…but I watched it fall away…mildewed and smoldering…strangled by our comforting…I’ve done the math enough to know the digest of a second guessing…it still will crumble unless we grow…strengthen our communications…

Alive….

yang ini keyen kae na! mmm... dapet ide dr mana sik bisa nulis panjang kae gini? wah.. bole neh bantuin gue buat nulis assignment nanti (pas pelajaran journalism/writing). kekkekeke